So here I am: living with my two very good friends in Community, and as it turns out this is what I have been looking and waiting for for a long time. I just wasn't ready for it.
I have had many visions and dreams of living in community in the past and what I had thought it would look like and what it really is is very different but better. It's one thing to imagine what you desire and it's quite another (sometimes) when it actually manifests, because the Universe has the whole picture and brings it to you to match your vibration - not necessarily your ideas or concepts of what you think it will look like.
So, what does living in community look like for me? It looks like a different kind of family unit for one thing. We are creating a family that doesn't look like a typical family and I think that is probably the part where I was blocking my community from happening. I thought it needed to look a particular way - the way many of us think it needs to happen with a very traditional family but as it turns out that was really only my idea and not what was really in alignment with me at all. Parts of the traditional family worked and other parts of it didn't.
The thing that is so shockingly wonderful about this family is that everyone is actually taking full responsibility for themselves and their stuff, and from that place of taking care of ourselves we can then support and love each other as whole people. This has been, and still is, a huge and good change for me and I am still adjusting to it. Up until now, I felt I always had to be the responsible one and if anything were to get done it was on my shoulders and with that dysfunctional point of view came the manifested reality that never worked for me. I call it 'the wet toilet paper house' which, in essence was the act of holding up the false structure of my existing dysfunctional reality. I can still imagine myself trying to hold up this soggy structure of my life with all of my limbs contorted and straining to keep it from collapsing around me. Just when I thought I was holding everything up another part would start to fall over and then, with a big fake smile, I would say 'I've got it! Everything is fine!!" It was an impossible task and something that I have been doing my whole life to try and make my idea of what a family and community 'should' look like work. Well, it didn't actually work and I gave away huge parts of myself to try to make it work.
What was missing for me was having the love and support of another woman in the house. What was happening for me and what I see in so many families is that one partner (usually the man) is working and the other partner (usually the woman) is taking care of the house and family and neither partner is actually feeling very fulfilled. From the woman's point of view it can be lonely, and it's very difficult to raise children this way. "Where is my village to raise my child?" I kept asking myself. Even with a partner I found I was still doing 95% of the raising of my son, and I am seeing it all around me in other families. Women are frustrated at basically having to raise their children on their own and keep the house running and most often working as well, and the men are working in unfulfilling jobs and not really present with their families when they home. It is , I believe, a part of a broken system that we are programmed to believe in and it is how our society is set up. Our society talks about community but still, we all go to our separate homes to look after our own children and cook our own meals. It is just not normal, yet, to create our home and family in a way that works for each of us individually.
There are definitely traditional families that are making it work wonderfully and I will talk about what is needed for any relationship to work later in this blog.
On the other hand though, I do believe this reality is shifting and I do see that other people are doing it and I'm sure that alternative families and community living will become much more the norm. Much of this has to do with the Masculine and Feminine energies coming into balance. For me, a big advantage of living with another woman is the nurturing of my Divine Feminine energy. I can feel that it is highly beneficial now to be with other women and to relax into the natural flow of being myself. With the extra support from Momma number two my over-exercised masculine side has the opportunity to re-balance. - it was not allowing me to let go and enjoy my life very much at all.
I can't stress enough though, that in any relationship, partnership, or community a very key ingredient for success and love is that everyone take full responsibility for themselves and be open to what is coming up for healing and be willing to do their own inner work.
This is also a key component to personal growth and evolution, and relationships are the best mirror for showing us the parts of us that want and need to grow. When I first moved into this little community of mine there was a lot for me to look at within myself. It came hard and fast and was very uncomfortable, but my heart new (and still knows) that I was in the right place and that this was work I needed to do to move forward and evolve. Please read my previous blog 'Embracing our Truth' to learn more about what these kinds of changes can entail.
This is, of course, a HUGE subject that I am only writing about because I am experiencing it, and as I am learning more and growing in this experience I will write more about it. I am also not saying that this is the solution for everyone. What I am saying is that it is possible for each of us to have what we need in our lives. If this blog resonates with you I encourage you to talk about it more and be open to creating a life that really supports you in a loving way that is perfect for you.
Much love to you always,