How to Heal Your Resistance and Open your Heart
Hidden Treasures by Sandra Kunz
Many of us have been on this spiritual path for a while now and have been working diligently to create a life that feels in alignment with our heart. And yet.... we still have these painful and annoying patterns that just don't seem to change. If only the Universe would give a little on THIS one! Grrrr. We may have the insight and wisdom that, for the most part, the Universe is mirroring what is inside of us and it is resistance that is the culprit and so we work and work with affirmations and mantras to try to shift it and still it doesn't work. Most of us are also usually in a state of some level of anxiety or just feel 'off' a lot of the time. This is also a pattern and is counterproductive to creating a life we desire. So, what gives?
Our unconscious mind is a very complex construct that has very deep layers of beliefs and ideas that are not at all in alignment with what we consciously desire. These parts are created when we experience contrast and trauma in our life (often in childhood) and we did not have the ability to process and let go of it so we store the emotional energy and painful memories in our unconscious mind and that creates these separate parts of us. These separate parts of us have contradictory beliefs and it creates behaviors that tend to be self sabotaging. In fact, our unconscious parts usually want exactly the opposite of what our conscious mind desires. And we think that it is the resistance to what we consciously want that is the problem but really it is the resistance to our unconscious parts of us that is that is the creating the conflict inside of us and that is what is being mirrored. For most people, they are creating more from their unconscious parts of themselves than from their conscious intentions. Their unconscious parts are running the show.
Most of us have even heard of shadow work but the name shadow work has such a daunting feeling and some of us are afraid that if we delve into our shadows we 1) we will enter the darkness and never come back. 2) We will manifest more of it. This is not actually the case if you are doing actual shadow work and properly processing your stored emotions and thoughts and not in rumination. Rumination occurs when we are in our mind and trying to figure out a solution to the problem from our ego. This is exactly how we don't heal it and we continue the pattern. It is very easy for us to believe that we are purposefully working on our issues but really we are expending great amounts of time and energy perpetuating the problem.
In a nutshell, what we want to do to heal our unconscious parts and patterns is to fully see, feel, and accept them instead of repressing them or ruminating over them. We do this by connecting into our body. Our unconscious parts of us communicate to us through our feelings, emotions and sensations in our body. When we get triggered by an occurrence outside of us it is hitting the stuck energy stored in our body and we experience this as emotional pain. There are then habitual thoughts that accompany the emotion pain. These painful emotional sensations and thoughts are not us. Once we realize that we are the observer of these sensations, emotions, and situations in our life we are a very good part of the way there to healing these patterns. When we realize and take the position of the observer then we give our emotions and thoughts space to be and to move though us. We are not 'in' our emotions now but instead we are watching them and our life though this different perspective. Our stuck energy stays stuck when we tense up, get stressed out and close our heart. To begin releasing the stuck energy we need to start choosing to relax our body and opening our heart to allow the energy to pass through. Michael Singer explains this very well in his book The Untethered Soul. I highly recommend this book. He also explains that we can observe our thoughts and emotions and not grab on to them as most of our thoughts are not helpful unless we are in a connected state of being and then we get inspirations, clear ideas and wisdom from our higher selves and not from our ego. You can also use inquiry as a way to question our painful thoughts. Byron Katie's The Work is a wonderful form of inquiry.
Here is the Practice for releasing resistance:
You can do this for specific situations, for anxiety, depression or if you just feel 'off')
-Set a timer for 20 minutes for this practice.
-Sit or lay down comfortably. It is best to start this practice with a quiet meditative approach and as you get the hang of it you can start to do it in your everyday life and even in situations where you get triggered by the reoccurring patterns.
-Start to bring your attention to your breath. Watch your breath as it enters your nose and watch as it moves down your body. Breath is a wonderful tool on it's own and can get you out of your head, to relax you, and connected to your body. As you watch your breath in your body notice how deep the breath goes and where it is stopped by tension. Notice that you are observing the tension. There is you, and there is the tension. There are two of you. You are observing yourself and your sensations. You are not your pain and sensations. You are the observer of them.
-Give yourself to permission to start relaxing and softening around the tension and pain. Continue to breath. With each breath relax a little bit more - even just 2%. Also, soften your heart, your chest and your shoulders. Continue to breath and to relax deeper. Watch as you continue to relax deeper. Feel your heart softening and relaxing. This is your heart opening.
-Without judgement fully observe the emotional pain and tension and notice how familiar it might be. Fully see it. Give it permission to be there fully and do not push it away. Allow it to grow or move.
-Any memories you have that bubble up is helpful information for you. If an image of you as a child comes up welcome it. Tell him/her/they that they have every right to feel the way they are feeling. Allow them to feel what they are feeling. Be an unconditionally safe space for them to feel. If you don't see your inner child that is fine, just continue to relax deeper and allow the feelings and emotions to be there with lots of space by relaxing your body.
-As the observer you can give this part of you that is experiencing the pain complete approval and acceptance. Our Sprit has the super power total unconditional approval of all sensations and states of being. Allow this approval in. Approval is the opposite of resistance and this will allow this part of you to heal and integrate.
This part may take a bit more practice but the approval is there if you can let go of your ego that judges everything that appears to be wrong. To spirit everything is always perfect.
-From this place of connection be aware of the familiarity of the emotions and accompanying thoughts, beliefs and behaviors that were previously unconscious. Decide that from now on you will make a practice of learning to relax, let go, and allow every sensation in your body. By observing within yourself and relaxing your tension your are releasing resistance and opening your heart. While you are doing this practice and afterward you may receive insights, wisdom and answers to situations in your life. These are ideas from the Universe and are divine guidance. Listen to them and take action. When you are relaxed and observing you are present and it is impossible for your unconscious ego to be in the driver's seat and you are healing this ego identity.
As you do this practice more and more you will get better at relaxing and fully feeling and accepting these parts of you and as you do you will be changing from the inside out. We evolve through allowing and integrating and many hidden treasures lie beneath our painful emotions.
This practice is a large part of my healing sessions with my clients. Often a wounded inner child will appear to my client in their mind and we also work with the inner child to help integrate the painful energy he/she is carrying. It can be very helpful to have assistance in learning a new process like this as what we have learned our whole life is counterintuitive to this. We have learned to suppress ourselves and to be doers to try and fix what is outside of us instead of healing it within us.
If this practice resonates with you and you would like to book a session with Sandra please book here: Healing Session With Sandra